Salsa

You know what really grinds my gears? Medium salsa. Why, you might ask? BECAUSE NO ONE CAN DECIDE EXACTLY WHAT MEDIUM SALSA IS. Sometimes, you open a new jar of medium salsa, and you just want that beautiful, but bearable, burn. After all, if you had wanted to be blown out of your seat, you would have gone with the hot. If you’re really attached to the taste of tomatoes and peppers, while also having the heat tolerance of a toddler, then you would have chosen the mild. That’s what medium salsa should be: a nice compromise between the two.

Now, it strikes me that there’s a perfectly rational reason for the medium salsa variation. Everyone has different tastes. Obviously not everyone is going to have the same opinion of the heat level that constitutes “medium”. Still, this is dog shit. Scoville scales exist don’t they? If you’re not using it to test the thing it was meant to test, then WHAT ARE YOU USING IT FOR? 

I admit, I know nothing about salsa production or testing but I don’t think that this is an unreasonable expectation. It’s 2014! Humans have waged countless wars. We created the plow and the automobile.  We've caused the extinction of more than a few species. Not only that, most Americans are privileged enough to have spent WEEKS complaining about Miley Cyrus’s dancing. You absolutely cannot tell me that we lack the resources or prevalence to moderate the heat of salsa.

I’m totally aware of the hilarity of this post. I am complaining about something that’s not a “real” problem and talking about the privilege of Americans. All the while, my privilege is part of what’s allowing me to talk about and post this. You know what makes this okay, what lets me overlook this fact? The fact that someone, somewhere, might see this and the Salsa Heat Regulatory Council of my imagination will put their brains together and fix this for good.